You Were My Everything
by Sidney-Black
Summary: Harry's reflection on the death in OoTP and how he regrets everything he didn't do to save him, so of course there are spoilers. One-shot fic, please read and review!
1. You Were My Everything

A/n: This is my first fic and it's a one shot, it's from Harry's point of view, and it takes place during the beginning of his sixth year. It's basically just Harry reflecting on Sirius's death in OoTP and deciding what to do about it.

You Were My Everything

I don't remember exactly when it was, but at some point in my life, I turned around to ask you for help, and you weren't there. Seeing you fall away was like watching my heart being shattered into pieces. It's getting so hard to breathe and everything makes me angry and I just don't know what to do anymore. When you died, it was like nothing else in the world mattered, I'd have killed myself on the spot had I not been in such shock. A part of me still believes that you never even went near that veil of death... But I've still decided something. And this is something that no one can ever take away from me, no one can prevent this, and if I have to, I'll do it all on my own. I'm going to bring you back. I swear to God I will bring you back, or die trying. 

I can't stand to spend my days lying in my four poster bed with tears streaming down my face, thinking about you and trying to get you out of my head. Everything around me seems to have a connection with you. Like the fireplace...I dread waking up each day and walking down the spiral staircase into the Gryffindor Common Room and seeing the fireplace lit up, and you're not there. And I hate going to Hogsmeade now...seeing that empty hill near the Shrieking Shack. Why'd you have to leave your mark on everything? And then when I walk back up to the castle from my Care of Magical Creatures class, I look at the Whomping Willow and I think, Why did I let this happen? I just wonder if I could have saved you... 

People say that sometimes things like this are meant to be, but I'm not sure. It's so hard to think that I have to go through my life without you. Now I am left alone, I'm with the Dursleys. You were my savior...I remember...In third year, in the Shrieking Shack, when you told me that it would all be ok. You said that I could come and live with you and leave the Dursleys forever, if I wanted to. Of course I wanted to! But then Peter...he ruined my dreams. But I still had a chance, I knew that someday he might be caught and you would be free! And I'd be rid of the Dursleys, for ever! Most of all, I'd be able to live with you. But now...now my dreams have been crushed, as I'm sure you dreamt of it too. I wonder what it would have been like, living with you, Sirius Black, one of my father's very best friends.

"Harry what are you doing? Charms starts in 3 minutes!," Hermione's voice interrupted my thoughts.

"Oh, sorry, I lost track of time," I said to ease her mind. She looked around the room, the floor littered with crumbled up papers and my clothes thrown about, and she sighed. Hermione thought it was a phase. She didn't know what I was going through, she didn't understand. No one does…

I brushed the hair out of my face, grabbed my books, and followed Hermione down to the Common Room. My hair was a mess and I knew I looked horrible, but I didn't care. Little things like that didn't matter to me anymore. Besides, my hair has always been messy.

In some odd way, I feel like your death was a symbol of failure to me. I feel like I have ruined everything, and nothing's worth it anymore. It was my fault anyway. Why was I so God damned stupid?! I was chained to myself, the bars after many years were beginning to bend, by you, my freedom. Why didn't I listen to Ron and Hermione? Why?? Argh… Sometimes I wish I could just roll over and die.

I followed the two of them to the classroom where Charms was held, and wondered what we would be doing that day. My mind drifted off of course, and where else should it land but you. I loved you so much Sirius, and I would have given anything for you to be here right now. But I guess sometimes you just have to move on. People die, and you question God, but the only answer I've ever received, is that not everyone is meant to live. And maybe I'm one of them.

You were my everything.

A/n: Thanks for reading, and yeah I know it was really sappy…I was kinda depressed when I wrote it. Please review, constructive criticism is welcome.


	2. Disclaimer

Disclaimer: Heh I forgot one for chappie 1. So here it is, I don't own anything. The characters belong to the wonderful and amazing writer, J.K. Rowling.


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